This is a short account of today, Day 4 of Nirahara Samyama. Yesterday was the “break day,” where we are required to take a break, and eat. As it was Monday, I ate only the upvaas food (I fast on Mondays in the Chatur Maas) – mashed potatoes, sauteed with peanuts, namely. I ate because we had to. I was far from hungry. I ate twice, just a quarter plate of mashed potatoes, and at the end of the day I felt so full like I had eaten a meal for six.
Why Does Low Mood Happen?
Today, I decided to solve a problem for myself, for once and for all. I wanted to identify what are the things that “put me off,” why they do so, and resolve them in one way or the other.
This was a side effect of the Samayama, as it brings up all thought currents and cognitions that make you tired or bored or “tamasik.” For several hours I was feeling just that.
So I made a Google Keep notes list of all happenings that trigger low mood in me. I added everything I could remember. Then I went over the list, reliving every thing on it, as per the completion process. The conclusion was only one – all these were triggers that made me feel uneasy with myself, in one way or another. That was all there was to it. I realized I already felt complete!
I did not need to go over the same thought trend and come to the same conclusion every other day. Having the same problem every other day means it is a thought pattern you have not looked into and ignored. It is a part of YOU that you have ignored.
Digging My Heels In, Like a Tree
During the meditation, I could easily visualize the Banyan tree. This time, it was a specific tree that I saw. It was in a courtyard, surrounded by an ashram like space. It was several storeys tall.
I experientially got one thing – every tree goes through so many seasons; the leaves fall, the leaves grow, the stems are cut, the bark falls off, people chop off whole branches, insects eat parts of the tree – but as long as the tree has deep roots and they are alive, the tree is never dead.
There is no such thing as failure, everything we see is seasonal.
It was just a deep realization and experience. As long as you are alive, there is possibility, and there is life. Failure is a fictional item on the menu. You only need to change what you are giving attention to. I remembered Swamiji’s words,
What for you give your life, time and energy, only that will become reality.
I did not feel hungry. I was feeling lazy. But I kept on working, after this realization, and in no time I forgot I was feeling lazy. I have already been working for 14 hrs! 🙂