Autobiography of a Yoganandini

One Milestone Reached

on
September 11, 2018

I completed two levels of Nirahara Samyama. Now the real challenge begins. I have already come this far before. I already knew I can come this far. The next level is the one yet to master.

Last one week was a funny admixture of alternating between intense food cravings and not having any desire for food or anything to drink. In the past one week, I redesigned my work approach, lost my laptop power cord, gave a talk, got severe stomach upset in the middle of the night – which I scanned and healed with my third eye – and discovered what is the one thing that blocks me from inside from manifesting some of my desires. That is a quick summary.

Meeting Ganesha

I connected with Vighnesh. I was reading the Mahabharat, and it says that the moment Ved Vyas remembers Ganesha, He appears in front of Him. I felt jealous, to be honest. I remembered how my spiritual journey had started with Ganesha. I remembered hugging his pot belly in my vision. I connected with him through the third eye. For a few seconds I kept getting distracted, then I took over. And I could feel His presence, His big pot belly and happy-go-lucky manner which I felt I knew so well. He answered me. It was cathartic. As a solution to the problem I could see that I need to perform some action to bring healing and completion to my whole body.

So today morning I did what Mahadeva asks us to do in Shiva Agamas – I took Bhasma snaan in Brahma Muhurta, with the sankalpa that I had. I slept through most of the day – though I kept waking up every few hours. I was still not entirely okay after the stomach upset episode.

But when I woke up & took a shower, I knew I was healed. I felt …different. My body felt like a different body than the one I was crying in last night. I can’t give a word to it, but I felt it.

Moving Forward

I was still mentally angry at some people. It, I felt, was the side effect of long-held karma getting released. All my old angers were coming up, which were sitting in my muscles. I felt mad at myself for treating so many turds so well.

But it is, at the same time, a comforting thought to know that you treated most of the people you know better than they deserved, rather than worse than what they deserved. I wondered if they ever regretted treating me the way they did.

Rewiring My Mind

It’s something I keep saying – what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Whatever you have already survived, your body-mind already knows how to take it on, maybe even better it. But it is the unknown that really takes the wind out of a lot of us.

Last time, I buckled on the third day of Level 3 of the Samyama. I hope I can finish it this time. But the bigger goal is to rewire my mind now, to not let any low mood settle in from the aftertaste of the completion.

The good thing is that I love my work so much, that no matter what my mood, it doesn’t take me too long to get back on track very quickly. The biggest message from Ganesha to me was that everything will happen easily. If I am struggling, it means I am not doing something right, and I need to stop right there. He wanted me to have fun and enjoy more than anything else 🙂

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